Seismic shifts

There is a moment when you know you have cracked along the seam you have held tight with desperate fingers for so long.  Suddenly the emotions, furious to escape, wreak havoc, destroy your ability to hold rationality above the swollen floodwaters.   Everything you parcelled up and carefully placed into that vault you keep in your head, to disengage from the constant hurt, is amplified, waves smashing into the walls you built so carefully.  Years of betrayal to yourself flow from your heart - your soul - leaving an acute ache that manifests physically.  Your heart shrivels.  The pain, bottled and distilled for years, explodes and you become irrational, paranoid, a Facebook stalker. You even create a new facebook identity even when you know you are being crazy. You hear his voice telling you are crazy and yes, you acknowledge that you are desperately crazy. You hate yourself as much as you hate him. Your mind races with all the words you wanted to say for so long, yet he is no longer there to hear you and you realise every sentence held in silence only allowed him more power. You want to demolish the perpetrator for every lashing you received, every humiliation, every scar.  You feel raped a thousand times over, manipulated.  Hate, regret, shame eats away at the final morsels of your essential self.  You have gone.