Letting go

The service ended.

She raised her eyes and turned her head to follow the coffin’s exit Her eyes caught his. Her breath caught. He was here. Her hand clutched at the gold cross nestled at her neckline, her diamond ring catching the light streaming in through the stained glass window.  She flushed and turned back to the alter.

Moments later, her family filed out of the front pew, shoulders bent. Not ready to face the sympathy in everyone’s eyes, she lingered, picking up the discarded pamphlets giving the order of the service. The image of her husband smiling caught her eye, she barely recognised his features after the many years of treatment. It was over.

With dry eyes she glanced at the statue of Mary set to the left of the pulpit. The statue looked down upon her with serenity and forbearance. She prayed for strength. Strength to endure.

Breathing deeply, she turned elegantly on her black high-heeled pumps, and started the walk back down the aisle. Head down she moved quickly past the milieu of mourners who were urgent and ready with their condolences. She did not stop. Did not acknowledge any of them. Let them think she was overwhelmed from the loss of her beloved husband. Surely they would forgive her for her harried pace. She side stepped her mother-in-law and kept moving.

Why was he here? What did he want from her? Her mind was in chaos.

Instead of exiting through the anteroom, she made her way to the exit doors near the confessionals and the restrooms. She would not be seen exiting Not by him, and not by the others.

Outside the sun blazed. The weather hellish for this day of mourning.

Taking the dappled path into the ancient forest that bordered the churchyard garden, she knew she wanted him to follow, wanted him to guess that she would have gone this way.

No, that would be foolish.  His promise of love always a veneer that wore thin.  She would not submit, not again. Not today. 

Turning back towards the church, she felt his presence before hearing his whispered plea.

Her longing too much she stepped backwards into the shadows. He followed. She wanted to feel his hands on her naked body, in her hair, trace her collarbone and then her nipples. He reached for her. 

She was finally free to let go.